Ashes
by superscar
Summary: Haley and Peyton die in a car accident. Can two broken people help each other heal? NathanBrooke
1. Default Chapter

**Prologue**  
  
_The Scott Beach House - Summer, 2001_  
  
The wind blew through the window, rustling her hair against his chest.  
  
Nathan opened his eyes to find Brooke staring at him.  
  
"Uhh...Hey," he coughed and she sprang from the bed suddenly.  
  
"I gotta go home," she mumbled.  
  
"Oh," he shrugged like he didn't care. Brooke's parents were never home, but if she wanted to escape,  
he wasn't about to stop her.  
  
He slipped into his shorts as she finished dressing and began watching him again. Waiting for something.  
  
"So that was fun," he muttered awkwardly.  
  
Her lips tightened and she shrugged, "Whatever. Seeya, Nate."  
  
Nathan sat back on the bed at stared at the condom in the trash can.  
  
Sex. He'd had sex.  
  
Tim was gonna die. Nathan reached for the phone.  
  
**Chapter One**  
  
_Summer, 2004 - AAU State Championships, 18 and Under_  
  
The crowd roared in Nathan's ears, drowning out the swish as the ball rolled off the rim, through the hoop.  
  
One more. Too close last time.  
  
Nathan spun the ball in his fingers and stared at the rim. His eyes drifted to Lucas in the crowd and frowned at the empty space beside him. Where was she?  
  
It was an important day for them, for him.  
  
She had to be sitting somewhere else.  
  
The ball was out of his hands before he could recall it and Nathan cursed his distraction.  
  
CLANG - it hit the rim again...and dropped in.  
  
Nathan's team hit him in a swarm as the crowd went wild.  
  
He looked for her in the crowd, but saw nothing.  
  
"Way to go, man!" Lucas slapped his hand at the first opportunity.  
  
"Thanks!" Nathan yelled to be heard, "Where's Haley?!"  
  
"Caught a ride with Peyton," Lucas shrugged.  
  
"Nate! Phone's ringing," Tim tossed him his cell from his gym bag.  
  
'Hell Bitch' blinked across the screen and Nathan rolled his eyes, but flipped it open, "Brooke, is Haley with you?"  
  
"Brooke?"  
  
"She isn't, we were- Haley just-" Brooke's voice broke off.  
  
"Start making sense."  
  
"Haley's not...Haley... Nathan, the car hit us and we..."  
  
"No, she promised she'd be here."  
  
"Nathan, I'm sorry, she's gone, I'm sorry. She died."  
  
She said more, but he didn't hear her.  
  
Lucas called his name, but he walked away. People congratulated him on the way out, but he couldn't hear them.  
  
His vision blurred as his father tried to stop him and he started running. 


	2. Chapter Two

A/N: These chapters won't be as long as my usual. So yeah.  
  
**Chapter Two**  
  
_Funeral Home - Summer, 2004_  
  
He hadn't wanted to go.  
  
There was nothing in his life that he wanted less than to sit around with people that never really knew Haley and babble about how tragic her death was.  
  
Fuck that.  
  
And she wasn't the only one that died. She and Peyton, he'd come to find out later, were both killed from injuries in the head on collision.  
  
Two women he loved, or thought he loved, both killed at the same time.  
  
Brooke was lucky, she was in the backseat.  
  
She was there, with them.  
  
Nathan, Brooke and Lucas.  
  
The three of them had spent a lot of time together. Drinking, playing video games. Even Brooke.  
  
They didn't talk. That's what they liked about it.  
  
Karen and Keith were crying with Haley's parents. Nathan looked away.  
  
"Can we go yet?" he muttered.  
  
Brooke scanned the exits. "Far right, go behind the plant...start going in 3...2...1!"  
  
"Nathan," their school principal walked up to him with Deb, "I heard you were friends with the girls. I'm sorry."  
  
Friends. Right.  
  
"Oh, great, here we go," Brooke muttered beside him and for the first time in a week, Nathan wanted to smile.  
  
"You kids know that my door is always open," he nodded sadly to each of them, "In times like these, we have to all stick together. Peylin and Kayley were wonderful people, we were lucky to have known them."  
  
Nathan's mouth dropped.  
  
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Brooke snarled, "You're trying to HELP us with our grief when you can't even read the fucking sign? Boys, let's go. Real party's at my house."  
  
They walked out the door. Past the parents and the mourners, the lines and the caskets.  
  
Who needed this shit? There was vodka in Brooke's bedroom. 


	3. Chapter Three

Ashes, Chapter Three

by scarlet  
  
_Nathan Scott's apartment - August 28, 2004_  
  
"I'm not going," Nathan kept playing his video game as his mother sat there, ringing her hands.  
  
"But honey, you have to say goodbye-"  
  
"I can't say goodbye. I never can, I never will. She's fucking dead. Just leave me alone," he didn't raise his voice. He didn't need to.  
  
His mother left without a word, but he could hear her arguing into her cell phone outside his door.  
  
"-he doesn't want to go, what am I supposed to do? No! Dan, don't you dare- He can decide on his own if he-"  
  
She moved out of his hearing, but it wasn't a shock when his dad showed up at his door.  
  
"You're going," Dan said simply.  
  
"Dad, don't even pretend you know what's going on with me. I'm not going. I'm not watching everyone cry over Haley like they knew her. I can't say goodbye,  
she won't know, she'll never know. Why can't you people just leave me alone?"  
  
"You're my son. This isn't going to wreck your life."  
  
"Why? Because you can leave a woman behind, I can to?  
I can just move on next semester like you did? Maybe I want it to. Maybe I want it kill me too, Dad. Just leave me the FUCK alone!"  
  
"No," Dan shook his head, "You're going. You're in no condition to fight me."  
  
"Why?" Nathan snapped, "So it will look good? So I wouldn't to the 'improper' thing? The 'rude' thing and make you look bad?"  
  
Dan met his eyes and sighed. He looked old, worn. "I know a thing or two about regret, Nathan. This isn't one you want."  
  
He walked to the car and looked back, waiting.  
  
Nathan put on his shoes.  
  
_The Davis Household - August 28, 2004_  
  
Every hair was perfect. Her eyes were bagless,  
covered in pounds of foundation. Her make up was to the speck, nothing less than she'd wear for a cheer competition.  
  
It was her friend's funeral.  
  
The friend she'd never forgiven, not really.  
  
Did Peyton know that? Could she sense that it wasn't the same? But it could have been better. For so long, they'd just been stuck in the horror of popularity and cheerleading. It made Brooke's stomach turn.  
  
They didn't have time to be the friends they could have been.  
  
And they never would.  
  
"Brooke?" Her mother came into the room, "Honey, where are you headed? Did you need some money?"  
  
Brooke smiled tightly, "No, thanks, I'll be fine."  
  
"Well, turn the lights out when you come in, I'll be working late tonight."  
  
"Right," Brooke muttered, "I'll do that."  
  
_First Lutheran Church, Tree Hill - Summer, 2004  
_  
Everyone was there.  
  
Only one church was large enough to hold what appeared to be the social event of the season, and it was close to overflowing.  
  
Nathan wouldn't sit in front. Lucas was there, with his mother and Keith, but he didn't want to see them. He didn't want to see anyone.  
  
The fact that he even came made him sick.  
  
"Oh, dear, could you move down a bit?" a rotund old woman poked him.  
  
It was on his tongue to say no, but it ultimately took so much less energy to slide over.  
  
"Did you know Haley and Peyton, dear?"  
  
Biblically. He shrugged off the question.  
  
"They're only as far away as you let them be."  
  
Nathan ignored her.  
  
Someone sat down next to him as the music started, but he didn't turn. Brooke always smelled the same.  
  
They sang hymns and he stood up. The last thing he wanted was the half turn, weird look people gave him if he didn't participate, but he couldn't sing. Haley was the singer.  
  
No. Haley was gone.  
  
They invited Mrs. James up to speak and Nathan scrunched down in the pew, avoiding her gaze.  
  
"I would like to thank all of you for coming, on behalf of our family and the Sawyer's. These girls had so much left to live for, but the time they graced us with, I'll always treasure. Haley taught me so much in my life," her brown eyes found Nathan's in the crowd and nailed him to the pew with their familiarity.  
  
Eyes he'd seen water with tears or light up with delight.  
  
Closed forever.  
  
"There are so many things that I wanted for her. Love, family, a marriage - all her dreams come true," Lydia's eyes pierced Nathan's and he knew...  
  
No, he shook his head. No one else had to know...  
  
"But I like to think maybe she got that when she fell in love with Nathan Scott and I was blessed to be at their wedding just a day before she was taken from us- I've never seen her happier."  
  
The buzzing in the crowd didn't overcome the roaring in his head as every neck snapped in his direction.  
  
Shit.  
  
TBC


	4. Chapter Four

Ashes

A/N: This story is about Nathan and Brooke, but they have a long path in front of them, so there are detours. Just so you know...

_Chapter Four:_

No one mentioned her name anymore. Nathan's parents knew it was a mistake, his friends didn't want to think about depressing things like death.

Lucas and Brooke didn't want to talk about it either. But then again, they didn't really talk at all.

* * *

"God!" Lucas moaned and collapsed on top of her. It wasn't their first time, second, third or fiftieth. Basically all they did lately was fuck 24/7. Brooke had told herself that she would never be with Lucas again, ever, but that was before Peyton died. Now it seemed natural that she lay between them, that both of them had loved her and she bonded them.

Minus the screwing, it was the same for Nathan and Lucas over Haley. They played basketball together, played video games. Nathan rarely saw any of his other friends anymore. And they rarely hung out with anyone but him.

Brooke quit cheer leading, she couldn't deal with all the twittering idiots jumping around and disturbing her opportunity to consume alcohol and fuck. What she once found fun, she now found nauseating. Even partying wasn't the same anymore. Like going back to the minors.

School counselors called her to their offices on a regular basis. They'd talk about how she must be missing Peyton, how her schoolwork was suffering - though really - she'd never been what you'd call diligent. It was almost laughable. They'd begun to make a joke out of it, see what they could do to send people running.

The absolute best was when they did it under the bleachers during the pep rally. Nathan even joined in.

It was one of the last things they ever did at Tree Hill High.

* * *

"So!" Nathan dropped onto the bed next to Lucas and Brooke as they made out.

"Get out," Lucas shoved him and went back to kissing Brooke.

"We were expelled."

They stopped. Brooke smiled, "This mean we don't have to go anymore?"

"Who knows," Nathan shrugged, "But get this. Not even half an hour after I find out - the coach from Wilmington South gives me a call. Apparently THEY have no problem with a 'healthy appetite for things other than food.'"

Lucas winced, "He SAID that?"

"He asked about you guys too."

"He wants all of us?" Brooke was stunned.

"On the condition YOU go back to cheerleading."

Brooke rolled her eyes, "We'll see."

"Might not be bad," Lucas mused, "Have people off our backs. I feel bad about my mom..."

His mother had been trying, unsuccessfully, with each of them, but she couldn't meet them at their level. She could never understand. Nothing mattered anymore. They played basketball because it took up time. They screwed because it took their mind of things. They drank because it was the only way to make things blur. And drinking themselves to unconsciousness was the most peaceful sleep they could find.

It was that night that their parents confronted them.

* * *

The Scott house was the loudest. He couldn't focus enough to keep a job and his parents all but forced him to move back in.

"How could you even think of doing something like this - during a pep rally, no less?"

"Wasn't feeling peppy," Nathan shrugged.

"Oh, Nathan," Deb sighed, "Do you think Haley would have wanted this?"

He'd known they'd bring her up, drag her through this right along with him. "Well, if she was alive, then yes, I'd imagine she'd have a problem with me taking part in a threesome. She'd probably also disapprove of the six other girls I've had in the last 10 days but in case it escaped your notice, she's dead. She's not capable of caring anymore."

The last thing he wanted was for her to see him, to be watching from heaven and looking out for him. He hoped if there was a god, he or she was looking out for Haley, telling him he was doing fine - being faithful. Working hard. That he'd learned from her and was on the look out for someone just like her.

"Just tell me what you're going to do," he spit out.

"You're going to military school."

Nathan gaped at him. "You can't be serious. After all your bitching about me staying here, you're shipping me off? Oh, I get it, you talked them into a basketball scholarship." He didn't even need to look at Dan to know it was true. "Typical."

"Nathan, we just want you to feel better-" Deb looked pained.

"Bullshit, mom, _you _want to feel better. You want to ship me off to military school, get me away from my friends and pretend that doing sit ups before breakfast is going to help me get over Haley. You know what? Fine. I'll go."

* * *

"Lucas, I know you're hurting," Karen sighed, "But does this really make it any better? Sharing your girlfriend with someone else?"

He ran his hand through his hair, not even close to knowing what to say to that, "It was her idea," he offered.

"You know I really care about Brooke, Lucas, but she isn't in any shape to be making decisions either."

"We're not stupid."

"You were caught in a threesome during the pep rally, Lucas!"

"She thought it would be funny..."

"Funny. God, Lucas! All it is, is tragic. Dan offered to pay your way into military school. That's the way he's dealing with Nathan."

"Good to know he cares," Lucas muttered. "Did you take it."

"Of course not, I differ with Dan in that I don't think this is a discipline problem. I think you want attention. All of you."

"And the school counselors seem to agree with you."

"Lucas, I need you to get better. You've lost two people you really care about and I can understand pretty much any steps you took to try to get away from that pain..."

"No, Mom. You don't understand."

"Haley was like a daughter to me, Lucas. And I don't want you to apologize for what you've done, I just need your promise that you want to get better."

"Mom, I can't-"

"Don't let yourself die too, Lucas. Do you want to move on?"

He tried to swallow and nodded his head. "Where are you sending me?"

Karen shook her head, "You're staying here, sweetheart." She hugged him.

* * *

Brooke's parents didn't say anything. But then, they didn't have to. It was pretty clear what they thought of the situation when they hired people to physically place her in the car on the way to rehab.

It was remarkable, really, that they cared enough about her addictions to get rid of her, but not enough to talk about her.

Or did they just not want her around embarrassing them? Unbelievable.

"So what'd you really do, kid?" the driver looked in the mirror at her and she gave him the finger.

"Had a threesome with a couple friends. Why? Think we could settle this little misunderstanding?" she rolled her eyes.

"Maybe-" his eyes met hers in the mirror and Brooke's skin crawled. He couldn't...

"Are you serious?" she squeaked.

He laughed, "No. But it's a pretty long drive if you don't want to talk."

"Where are we going?"

"Montclair Rehabilitation Center. It's the best on the East Coast, so you're lucky."

"Can't you see? I'm dancing inside."

"I heard about what happened, I'm sorry about your friends."

"Everyone seems to be."

He started to talk again and she interrupted him.

"Can we just have quiet time now or something?"

* * *

It was a long day by the time they arrived and she was dropped off at the Montclair Rehabilitation Center. And it was even longer while the nurses fussed with a bunch of things, trying to find Brooke's paperwork and such.

"Ms. Davis?" a nurse finally directed her to the front desk. "I'm afraid that the credit card on file isn't going through."

"Call my parents, I'm sure they have a back up."

"We did, but erm, uhh-" the woman was clearly uncomfortable with whatever she was going to say but Brooke wished she would just spit it up or shut the fuck up. It was annoying. "They aren't there. The line was disconnected."

Brooke gaped at the woman. "Disconnected? 702-555-6352?"

She double checked and nodded.

Brooke dug out her cell phone and called her father.

"Jim Davis."

"Dad! What the hell!"

"Brooke! Did the card go through?"

"Uhh, no, and your phone is disconnected, what the hell is going on?"

"We're moving to California."

"What! And you just thought I'd be better off in rehab while you go around the country?"

"Brooke, I lost my job, I had to find something new..."

"And the abandonment part-?"

"Young lady, I don't have time to discuss this with you, we're getting on the plane. Now tell them I'm sending a check and apologize for the inconvenience-" Click.

"Dad?"

The nurse was watching her and she was struck with inspiration.

"Dad, I can't just leave! How could this happen? No, it's not all right, I'm not all right – I thought we could afford this!" Brooke let her shoulders fall as she talked to the dial tone. "Fine, Dad...I'll see you soon."

She bit her lip and glanced at the nurse, "It umm...doesn't look like I can stay after all."

"Oh, honey – You know we have payment programs if money is a problem right now."

"Well, money's always been a problem, but they promised it would be okay – but I guess it's not," she wiped her eyes for affect, hoping it wasn't too over the top. "I just wanna go home."

"Oh, honey...do you need someone to wait while your parents come?"

"I can just wait outside, it's nice out. But thanks for your help."

"No problem, sugar. You take care of yourself."

Brooke nodded, "You too."

* * *

A big truck stopped on the side of the road after she held up her thumb for – oh – thirty seconds.

"Little Lady, it's awfully dangerous for you to be out here hitchhiking," the truck driver shook his head to himself.

"Wish I had an option," Brooke shrugged. "So – where ya headed?"

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Ashes, Chapter Five

"Lift!" The team pushed up. "Down!" They lowered their bodies to the ground. "Lift!"

Nathan forced the push ups with the rest of the team, determined to finish. He'd become addicted to exercise and forced his body beyond what it should endure. Which made him a favorite in military school, much to the disgust of his schoolmates.

Whispers floated around the school about him, about the circumstances of his arrival. Rumors of all sorts floated around about him. Mostly drug-use. Performance enhancing drugs, to be specific. Of course the kid who heard from his dad, who heard from his brother, who was on the school board, that Nathan Scott had been expelled for a threesome on school grounds was scorned for imagining that such an anti-social loser could possibly have sex. Let alone a threesome.

The only people with grudging respect for him were those on the basketball team, since he had a tendency to kick their ass on a regular basis and had the tendency to be a trash-talking bitch on the basketball court. Old habits and all.

Which is what started the rumor that he had actually killed someone on the basketball court.

Overall, it was the most believable. And Nathan made no effort to dispute it.

People left him alone for the most part and he wanted it to stay that way. He wasn't there to make friends. And there weren't any girls - so any kind of socializing was pointless, really. But that didn't prevent him from keeping in touch with his actual friends. What should have prevented it was the rule against cell phones. But Nathan didn't feel it applied to him.

When he got back to his room after practice, he hit 3. "Why, Nathan Scott," Brooke's voice danced over the line, "You haven't had that phone confiscated yet?"

"They wouldn't dare tempt me not to play my hardest on the court. So how's the girl's school?"

"Why is that always your first question?"

"Just wondering if you've gone lesbian yet from lack of guy attention."

Brooke laughed, "There's still teachers, you know."

"Who's your favorite subject?"

"History's got a great ass."

"I'm sure he feels the same way about you."

"You hear from Lucas?"

"Little bit - he's determined to 'heal and move on' last I heard."

"Embrace the grief and all that shit?" Brooke yawned, "Good for Lucas. I'll drink to him at my next opportunity."

Nathan chuckled. "Hey, we have a long weekend for Thanksgiving - wanna get together and promote healing?"

"I'll bring the vodka," Brooke promised.

* * *

Nathan never talked about Haley. If anyone brought her up, he would mention harshly that she was dead and they wouldn't dare raise the subject again.

But he thought of her often. Any time he slowed down enough, her spirit would invade him. At night, she was alive. Their honeymoon fresh in his memory, but when he reached out to touch her - the alarm would ring.

He went through everything in a daze. Even in basketball, only part of his mind would wake up to participate.

"Hey bitch!" a guy - Martin or some equally unfortunately named kid - came up to him in the lunch room and took a seat with his cronies. "Who's Haley?"

Nathan's blood froze and he muttered, "No one."

"He speaks! So, girlfriend? Ex-girlfriend?"

"I said _no one,_" he hissed, meeting the kid's eyes. He was young. Pretty boy punk, probably about 16. Wasn't on the team and clearly needed to be taught some manners.

"Then why were you screaming her name last night, baller? 'Haleyyyyy, nooooo!'" he mimicked, cracking himself up. "She leave you?"

Fire screamed through Nathan's body and every inch of him wanted to destroy this boy.

"Trent, let's go," one of his friend's pulled pretty boy's arm, but he stopped them - somehow unaware of the danger that he placed himself in, just sitting there.

"No, I want to hear the story. What'd she do, bang your brother? Couldn't keep her satisfied?"

Trent was on the floor before he could blink and Nathan's hand squeezed around his neck. "She's dead," Nathan whispered in his ear, "And if you say her name again, you will be too - because _I _don't care."

That was when the teachers pulled them apart but Nathan held his eyes, "That's a promise!" he shouted.

He had no problems with anyone after that.

* * *

Over Thanksgiving, Brooke agreed to come down and see him and Lucas would never answer his damn phone anymore, so it was just the two of them. She rented out a cushy hotel room for the weekend and true to her promise, brought the booze.

"Mmmmm," Nathan sighed at the taste of his first beer. "I hate military school."

Brooke laughed, "Not a surprise."

"At least this is the last year."

"Where to next?"

Nathan shrugged, "College, I guess? What about you?"

"Who knows - we'll see, right?" She was already two beers ahead of him. "Less talk, more drink, Nate, let's go!"

Just her presence was relaxing and she was looking great. She'd taken to curling her hair and her body was tighter than ever. "Wanna see my car?"

He'd seen it already - a tiny little red convertible that looked like sex. What he really wanted to do - was drive it.

Brooke tossed him the keys.

* * *

If he thought he could scare her with speed, he was wrong. Brooke raised her arms into the air as her car flew down the road and the wind whipped against her hands and her hair lashed against her face. He was going over 100 - probably around 110. Which, in a 55... Well, hopefully they didn't pass any cops.

When the highway ended and the speed limit dropped, Nathan slowed, but not really.

She didn't say anything, though, she loved the speed and the way the trees slid by faster than her heartbeat.

When the car up ahead pulled out in front of them, she said nothing as they grew closer and closer - but her eyes closed as he swerved by them at the last minute and smiled.

"Pull over," she whispered and kissed his neck.

* * *

She pushed him into the black leather and Nathan sighed in relief. Somehow sex with Brooke was more a relief than anything else - ability to let go with someone he trusted and not have to pretend it was more than it was. So many girls back in Tree Hill had tried to be Haley for him, tried to be what he wanted, as though they had the magic relief sex that would make him snap back into the same person he was.

But Brooke knew. She was there with him, she wasn't trying to heal him, she wasn't trying to help, she was just there.

The fact that she was one of the hottest girls he'd ever seen? Didn't hurt.

"Nathan," she sighed his name as they moved together, "Say my name."

His name sent chills up his back and he returned the favor, saying 'Brooke' over and over.

Hearing her name that weekend got her off more than anything else. It was a Thanksgiving of comfort and relaxation. Sex and alcohol. It was clear from talking to Nathan that he hadn't been home or talked to his parents - but he would soon and then it would be over, so she relished every moment he said her name and spent the nights snuggled in familiarity.

This was it for her.

* * *

When Brooke dropped him off at school Sunday night, almost every mouth dropped.

"Brooke, I can honestly say that this has been the best weekend I've had in awhile. Thanks for coming down to see me."

She smiled, "Nathan, take care of yourself."

He kissed her forehead. "Go easy in history. I'll see you at Christmas?"

"Of course!" she smiled brightly and climbed out of the car and strolled toward the dorms, where Trent stood, his mouth hanging open.

"At ease, soldier," Nathan winked at him and waved back at Brooke.

* * *

Brooke stopped at a drug store on her way back and brought her purchase back to her closet of an apartment in New York City. She turned her cell phone off and set it on the table. Nathan was the only one she talked to through it anyway, and that was over now.

She sighed and took a shower, reliving her weekend as the water flowed over her body.

It would be different without Nathan, she liked him there, reminding her who she had been and why she was changing. And she wasn't one to throw him out of bed. He wasn't beautiful like Lucas, but he had an overpowering masculinity that she was helpless to resist.

Brooke climbed from the shower and picked up the box from the table and read the directions. How would she _look _as a platinum blonde?

* * *

The girls did a double take when she got to work and Brooke spun for affect.

"Whoo-hoo," Ginger clapped her hands, "I told you blondes had more fun, baby!"

Brooke swept her golden curls off her shoulder and cocked her hip.

"Hey!" their boss, Lenny, came into the room, "Someone needs to get up there - ohhh, nice new look, Peyton."

"Thanks," Brooke batted her eyelashes.

Lenny rolled his eyes, "Now lose the shirt and get on the pole, kiddo, you have time to make up, here."

To Be Continued...


	6. Chapter 6

Ashes, Chapter Six

A/N: I realize that there are other, vastly more popular stories that I could be updating. But I don't care. Heh...

* * *

It didn't matter that she had no talent.

She kept drawing.

* * *

While Nathan couldn't say he was excited to spend time with his parents that Christmas, it was going to be nice to see Lucas and Brooke. As long as Lucas didn't go on ad nauseum about grief and Haley and Peyton and blah-de-fucking-blah. It was a problem he didn't need to deal with.

His parents chatted aimlessly on the way back to the train station.

"It's great to see you again, Nathan," Deb kept repeating, squeezing his hand over and over.

"Heard your game's been great," Dan was pleased, "Now we just have to show you off to some scouts and you'll have your pick of schools."

They were impressively unchanged since the last time he'd seen them.

"I've convinced a few members of the board that a semester is enough punishment. So if you want to return to Tree Hill for your last semester..."

"I don't have to go back?" Nathan brightened for the first time since Thanksgiving.

Dan chuckled, "Merry Christmas."

"They're not worried I'll be party to another 'scene' under the bleachers?"

"They are," Dan conceded, "But they're more worried about losing the State Basketball Championships without you and Lucas."

"Lucas is coming back too? What about Brooke?"

Dan and Deb exchanged looks, "You don't know?"

"Did something happen?"

"Oh, Nathan," Deb watched him miserably, "I thought Lucas must have told you-"

"I haven't talked to him in a couple months... What happened?"

"Brooke ran away from home, Nathan."

"No, they sent her away-"

"They sent her to rehab and ran away, no one's heard from her since."

"I saw her a couple weeks ago, she's at a boarding school in Philly-"

Dan pulled out a cell phone and started dialing.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling the Davis's - maybe we can find her."

Nathan felt sick. "When did she run away?"

"Last June - they didn't find out until September, after you went to school."

"But she called me...we talked and stuff."

"Jim!" Dan spoke into his cell phone, "My boy says he's been in touch with your daughter. She told him she's at a boarding school in Philly, not sure if that's her real location or not," he paused, "No, no, send him over, Nathan's more than happy to help you find her."

"Sure, now they care," Nathan muttered.

Deb and Dan glared at him and Nathan sulked.

Dan hung up the phone, "They're sending over their investigator to talk to you in the morning."

"Great," Nathan muttered.

He didn't like Brooke taking off on him. If she didn't want to go where her parents told her - fine - but why wouldn't she tell him?

* * *

"Peyton Sawyer, you couldn't be hotter," Ginger hopped onto the bench next to her and batted her eyelashes.

Brooke laughed, "What do you want, Ginger?"

"Can you work Christmas Eve for me pretty pleeeeeease?"

"You're gonna skip out on the overtime?"

"My kid wants to go to church," Ginger shrugged.

"You? Church?"

"Hey, who needs it more?" Ginger grinned.

"What's in it for me?"

"Put in a good word with the priest?"

Brooke debated, "Is he hot?"

Ginger snickered, "Fifty bucks?"

"Cash upfront and you have a deal."

"Pleasure doing business with you," Ginger shook her hand. "And what are you doing for Christmas, Ms. Sawyer?"

Brooke shrugged, "Working."

"What? What about your family?"

"My dad won't be home this Christmas, so..." she shrugged.

Ginger nodded, "Out to sea, I forgot."

"PEYTON!" Lenny screamed, "You're up!"

Brooke didn't react.

"Hello?" Ginger snapped in front of Brooke's face. "You're up."

"Oh!" Brooke slid her finger along the Velcro of her bustier. "Try not to get too turned on."

"No guarantees," Ginger shrugged.

* * *

"How did she pay for the room?" Detective Flynn asked.

Nathan had felt like he was under the spotlight for the past hour. "Cash."

"And you didn't think to question it?"

"Brooke's always had cash, I figured she didn't want her parents to know about it."

"Did she change her look at all?"

Nathan shrugged, "Same hair, same eyes...she's always been hot..."

"Oh, Nathan, do you think so?" Deb broke in, clearly thrilled he'd noticed a girl's attractiveness.

"Mom, honestly - I'm not blind."

The investigator cleared his throat uncomfortably, "So there's nothing else to help us find her? Just a red convertible?"

"Black leather interior."

"What make?"

"Something about a Z?" he shrugged.

The investigator sighed, "Well, thanks for your help."

"Do you think you'll find her?" Deb wanted to know.

"Well, we'll be checking for convertible rentals in the area and look for stolens, but other than that, I don't know."

He didn't seem to care much either, Nathan noted.

"Are you a private investigator?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Why aren't the police handling this?"

"They were, for awhile, but once Brooke turned 18, they figured if she wanted to leave, that was her business."

"They're not wrong, you know," Nathan pointed out.

Deb frowned, "Nathan-"

Flynn just shrugged, "I go where I'm paid, doesn't matter to me."

"And if you find her?" Nathan wanted to know.

"It's up to her parents at that point. I'll put them in touch with her."

There was something wrong with the whole situation and Nathan wasn't sure what he could do about it. But he had the strangest desire for Brooke to stay hidden.

* * *

"So you figure out why Brooke bailed?" Nathan caught Lucas's pass and took a shot at the basket. _Swish. _He smiled - Was there a better sound, ever?

"Her parents were sending her to rehab, I might have bailed too," Lucas shrugged.

"So how has she been surviving - robbing banks? She had a _sweet _car, Luke, you shoulda seen it."

"I'm sure you saw plenty," Lucas muttered.

"Whoa," Nathan knocked the ball out of Lucas's hands, "Are you jealous? We're just friends."

"It's fine," Lucas shrugged, "Doesn't matter. Just...when she's here, I feel like Peyton is still around too. I don't know, it's hard to explain."

Nathan shrugged, "She listens to that same crap music Peyton used to listen to."

"She does?" Lucas brightened up, probably cause he always did have the same suck ass taste as Peyton, "She always hated it before."

"Whatever, I kind of hope they don't find her. She can do whatever she wants."

"Well, come on, Nathan, it's not like she couldn't use the therapy."

"Are you serious?"

"Come on, man, you know I love Brooke, but can you honestly say she wouldn't benefit from some psychotherapy?"

"Hmmm," Nathan nodded, "You're a real dick sometimes, Lucas."

* * *

It was Christmas Day and the music beat hypnotically, welcoming all those that escaped their family gathering to have a drink and check out the dancers at _Electric, _one of the hottest strip clubs in Manhattan.

Brooke slid in between the tables. On their time off the pole, they would circulate, grab drinks. Every woman that worked there was a stripper and worked _very _close to their clientèle. This closeness would often translate to less than legal transactions outside the walls (or in the bathroom) of _Electric _but it wasn't condoned by the Bouncers, who were there to limit activity to window shopping.

There were rules against screwing the clients. At least, there were rules against relationships. Brooke had yet to see anyone fired for a one night stand or even a little hooking on the side.

"Awww, Peyton, you have to work Christmas?" Joey, one of the regulars actually looked sad for a second, "C'mere, sit on my lap and I'll make it all better."

Brooke laughed, as did the men at the table. "My very own Santa Claus, that's sweet, Joe," she patted his cheek. "But if you reaaaallly wanted to help out, you'd loan me that kick ass car again."

Joe shook his head mournfully, "Wife took it in the divorce settlement."

"Poor baby," she knocked his napkin off the table, "Oops, let me get that," she leaned over and the table applauded loudly. "Anything else I can do for you boys?"

"Just get up there soon, Blondie," Joe smiled, "We're here to see you."

"Awww, too kind," Brooke leaned down, blowing him a kiss and flashing a whollllle lot of cleavage.

"How could we not love you, Peyton?"

Brooke winked, "Beats me." She flounced off with a wave and headed backstage to get ready to dance.

* * *

Hours later, Eric, the late shift bouncer pealed one of their best strippers off her stool in front of the bar. "C'mon, Peyton, let's go home."

"Peyton," she repeated, giggling. "I'm Peyton. She's not dead."

"Of course you're not," Eric murmured nervously, wishing Ginger was around to deal with this. "How much did you drink after we closed?"

"Jus' one, Jack."

"Eric," he corrected.

She cackled and it he noticed what she meant, just one...bottle of Jack Daniels. Great.

"Can you make it back home all right?"

"Home," she scrunched up her face..."Yeah. Just...call my dad. Or Nathan."

Her dad, he happened to know, was on a ship on the ocean.

"Is Nathan your boyfriend?"

She burst into laughter, "Nathan's soooo married but she's dead."

"But you're not," he tried to play along.

"I'm not?"

"No," he shook his head, "You, Peyton Sawyer, have never been more alive."

Somehow, she seemed to find that hysterically funny. Eric reminded himself never to deal with drunk chicks in the future.

* * *

Every time Eric called her Peyton, Brooke couldn't stop laughing so he'd stopped using her name as he lead her back to her apartment.

"You, uhh, draw a lot?" he looked around at her walls, filled with the drawings she had worked so hard on.

"Yeah," she shrugged and he didn't comment further.

"Are you okay from here?"

"Sure," she shrugged, "Wanna see the bedroom?"

She lifted onto her tip toes and kissed him softly.

"This is a bad idea," Eric muttered.

But he didn't pull back.

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

Ashes, Chapter Seven

They didn't find Brooke with his information, for which Nathan was grateful. Who knows what they'd do when they finally found her, but the longer she delayed, the better. Ideally, she'd be thirty-something and they'd have no control over where to send her.

Nathan found that he enjoyed thinking about Brooke - any second that distracted him from depressing thoughts of what his kids with Haley would have looked like, or what she'd been thinking when she died - was, as far as he was concerned, an extremely good thing. Brooke was alive. Missing, it's true, but she knew where she was, so it was just a question if she would ever make contact again.

"Nathan, there you are," Cindy? Sandy? something like that - slid up behind him and his locker and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Here I am," he commented dully.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?"

"Brooke," he shrugged.

Sally's arms stiffened around him, "I thought she ran away or something."

"That's the rumor."

"So why were you thinking about her?"

It was tempting to tell the annoying twit he was in love with Brooke just for her to get the hint that it was a one-time thing, but he'd lost the energy to lie to people. Honesty usually did the trick fast enough. "Just wondering where she was, what she was up to..."

"Oh, it's Brooke," Serena shrugged, "I'm sure she'll be fine. She always has a tendency to land on her back, ahem, feet," she giggled at her own joke.

"She actually prefers the top," Nathan shrugged, resisting the urge to smack the irritating little hypocrite.

Sarah grimaced, "Uhh, EWW, so did NOT need to hear that, Nathan."

"I don't really need to hear anything that comes out of your mouth, yet here I am."

"God, Nathan, why are you being such a dick?"

"Ahem," Lucas stepped into the conversation, "That's because he is a dick. I'm Lucas, and you are?"

"Miranda."

Nathan laughed, he hadn't even been close.

"So why is he being a dick today?"

Miranda shrugged, "He has a bug in his ass about Brooke."

"Again?" Lucas raised an eyebrow at Nathan.

"Don't you have class?"

"Of all the things to obsess about, Nathan, honestly, Brooke?"

"She was your girlfriend, don't you even care that's she's gone?" Miranda backed away from their argument, to Nathan's relief.

"Of course I _care, _but at least she's alive, she's just off somewhere partying, avoiding getting help."

"Yeah, she's alive, I like that."

Lucas shook his head, "Nathan, I'm worried about you. You have a different girl every two weeks..."

"So do half the people at school Lucas, are you planning to remove the stick from your ass anytime in the next few minutes or should I go to class?" He didn't wait for an answer, just picked up his book bag and headed toward Math.

He actually headed _past _the classroom in question, to the parking lot, where he proceeded to drive home - but still, it was the principle of the thing.

* * *

"So, you ever going to tell me what happened with Eric?" Ginger opened her menu at the all night diner down the street from _Electric. _

Brooke shrugged, "Wasn't meant to be."

"Bull shit, what'd you do? Ohhh, cheese fries! Can I, Peyton?"

"You want to jiggle those cheese fries around on the pole tomorrow?" Brooke shrugged. "Up to you."

The waitress finally got around to coming over, "What can I get you?"

"Spinach salad," Ginger sighed.

"Mmm...Double burger with cheese and diet coke. Thanks," Brooke grinned.

"You _rebel," _Ginger glared at her.

"I try."

"So it goes beyond just music, does it?"

"I can't tell you," Brooke shrugged, "It would destroy my aura of mystery."

"Shut up, Sawyer. I've got you perfectly figured out," Ginger shrugged.

Brooke smiled, "Do tell."

"You're a heart breaker," Ginger smirked, "Because you're in love with someone unattainable. And you're running away from something - maybe him - because you, sugar, are way too good for this life. I can tell these things."

"Then you should know that all of us are."

Ginger grinned, "I like to think so."

"So what are your hopes and dreams, then?" Brooke snickered. As though anyone had those anymore.

"Well, I HOPE my boy grows up to be better than his father. And I DREAM mostly of Brad Pitt - is that wrong?"

"Let's hope not."

"So how'd I do defining Peyton Sawyer?"

"Peyton Sawyer...a heartbreaker? Yes. In love with someone unattainable? Mmm...yes, he was dating my best friend, Brooke -"

"What could Brooke possibly have that you don't?"

"Interesting question...and the answer...would have to be money. I'm broke."

"You get more tips than any of us, what do you buy?"

"My apartment and oh, right, my apartment."

Ginger looked impressed, "Must be nice."

Brooke laughed, "It's a shit hole, but I don't have to share it with anyone."

"Lord, I have practically the whole fucking family living with me. Don't you miss having your dad around, though?"

"Have him wander in and wonder what those noises in the bedroom are? Thanks, no."

"But even for Christmas, you didn't miss him?"

"Of course, but that was months ago," Brooke shrugged.

"Awww, honey, you make me sad," Ginger sighed as the waitress brought their food.

Brooke bit into the burger, "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, still making you sad?"

"Yeah, but now I'm sad for me."

* * *

Graduation Day was fairly dull, though the night of mindless partying afterwards wasn't that bad. He got a lot of questions about where he was headed. There were names noticeably absent in the air. Somehow, the principal managed to stumble over the name 'Nathan Scott' - now true, he hadn't taken out one of those special cards to tell them how to pronounce it, but what the fuck - he wasn't Ukrainian.

Lucas, they pronounced just fine. Fucking typical.

It was the lack of names that bothered him, though. Starting with the twinge when they went past Davis, the stabbing pain when they hit James, and the emptyness when they went straight from Sawtell to Scott.

Somehow, each of those girls had managed to wreck him in their own special way and he intended to take a few shots of Jack for each of them. It was kinda funny how no other woman really did it for him. Sure, enough to take the edge off, but not enough to be amusing for more than a couple hours.

There was the occasional bounce of curls that made him think of Peyton, his first real girlfriend. To this day, he felt bad things hadn't worked out with them because it was his fault. If he hadn't been a complete ass to her, they might still be together and who knows, maybe that would have changed history just enough that they'd be alive today. But then, he wouldn't have been with Haley...

Nathan was torn about the loved and lost issue because while their wedding night was pretty much the best night of his life, the day she died had created a wake of such intense pain that he was pretty sure he'd much rather have maintained a constant numbness.

Numbness, of course, was what Brooke provided en masse with her gift of alcohol and comfort sex. Every day he was with her it seemed easier to breathe or not - as he chose. The ultimate relaxation, was his best friend Brooke, his first...well, his first. He wasn't totally sure whether he was her first or not.

He would have liked to have any one of them - or, really, all of them, there with him for his graduation.

"Congratulations, Nathan."

He didn't turn at first - didn't want to. It was a voice he recognized, but the last one he wanted directed at _him. _It made him remember things he hated...like duty, honor...responsibility. Reluctantly, Nathan turned toward Haley's mother.

"Oh, honey," she sighed and hugged him, somehow managing to make him feel like a comforted child, despite the fact that she had to be two feet shorter than he was. "It's okay."

The absolute last thing he wanted to do right now, was cry. He was beyond that. Or at least, in public. No one would understand - they barely remembered Haley.

"My Haley chose well," she whispered and he pulled back. She didn't know what kind of life he'd been living, had no idea what kind of husband he would have been to her daughter. "Nathan, it's okay to feel pain. I'll miss my baby until the day I die. But don't let it stop you from loving other people."

He frowned, she wanted him to move on? "Like, other girls?"

"Why don't you start with friends," she smiled.

"They don't understand..."

"But they can try, Nathan."

"Why did you come tonight?" he asked.

"I wanted to see my son-in-law graduate," she shrugged, "We'll always think of you as family, Nathan."

"Yeah," he nodded. His eyes were burning and he wanted to run away from this woman that seemed to care so much more than his own mother. It wasn't fair. He was totally sober and had already been thinking far too much about these things.

"You'll be happy again, Nathan," she squeezed his hand, "Don't be afraid of it."

"No," he shook his head...he couldn't really see that happening.

To Be Continued...


	8. Chapter 8

Ashes, Chapter Eight

_Fall, NYU_

College, Nathan discovered in the first semester, was about 2493274938479 times better than high school.

His parents weren't there. Alcohol seemed to flow from the ceilings and again, his _parents _weren't there.

Neither was Lucas, which he could survive. Should be easy enough to find a church on google if he felt some need for preaching. Tim followed him, of course, and it was a relief. It allowed him to sit on his ass playing video games in his dorm room instead of

being out making friends like a good little freshman.

There was some kind of greeting committee that was designed to make freshmen feel welcome. Unfortunately, it seemed to involve things like, loud conversation, hula hoops and other types of good, clean, Lucas-like fun that made Nathan projectile vomit.

Anyone that didn't welcome him with a beer wasn't acchieving their purpose, in Nathan's opinion. Luckily, the team threw a kegger every other hour and Nathan was the center of the party.

He was lost in almost all the classes he bothered to attend.

"Hey," a girl hissed at him in class, just as he was pulling out his cell to play solitaire.

"Yeah?" he didn't look at her.

"Got a pen?"

"Sure," he tossed her his.

"Don't you need it?"

He flashed her his cell phone, "Nope, I'm good, but you have fun," he looked at her for the first time and his heart stopped. She was beautiful. "Haley..."

Brown eyes crinkled, "No, Ashley," she frowned, "Did we even meet before?"

Nathan shook his head, "No. No, we didn't. I'm Nathan."

"Still Ashley," she took his hand and smiled.

* * *

Tim came into the room with an Tarzan-type scream that Nathan could have lived without. "C'mon man, kegger at the Kappa house, let's go!"

He started digging through his closet and debating between shirts like a girl.

"Can't," Nathan shrugged and picked up his Gameboy.

"Naaaate," Tim whined, "What are you going to do, play NBA Live all night? We can do that later!"

"Nope, got a date."

The world stopped for a second and Tim stared at him blankly, "Like, with a girl?"

"Nooo, dumbshit, with my new professor, thought I'd rack up some extra credit."

Tim blinked.

"Yes, with a girl."

"Oh. Well...you could bring her?"

"We'll see," Nathan shrugged, "She doesn't seem like the kegger type."

Tim said, "Oh," but it sounded like 'dull.'

There was nothing wrong with a girl that didn't want to go to keggers and hook up with random guys. Haley had never been like that. Peyton hadn't, she'd been there, but she'd always been there more for the observation than participation. Brooke had been the Queen of the Keg in High School, of course, but it had never made her happy, not the way the sorority girls gushed about it here. Like their whole goal in coming to college was to make it into a Greek House.

Tim was destined to pledge for some kind of Fraternity. He was basically designed to do a bunch of stupid bullshit for the approval of others.

But Nathan was done with that. Ah, the sweet gift of apathy.

"When are you picking her up?"

"Not. She lives off campus, she's meeting me here in a couple minutes."

"Wouldn't tell you where she lived?" Tim smirked.

"I think she's a commuter, probably lives with her parents."

Tim yawned, "Well, it sounds like you have a real winner, there, Nate."

"Maybe I'm not in the mood for sorority sluts tonight."

"More for me," Tim shrugged it off. "What about after she leaves?"

"We'll see."

* * *

It was nerve wracking to go out on an actual date after so long and Nathan couldn't help feeling horribly guilty, like he was cheating with Haley somehow. He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn't let it go.

When he was drunk and fucking random women, it was easier somehow, as though if he was too wasted to think of her, she wouldn't be able to see him.

Like a cosmic game of peek-a-boo.

"Nathan?" he spun toward the voice and smiled at Ashley, hoping he wouldn't vomit. It was too late to run and he couldn't think of anything to say. "Are you okay?" she seemed genuinely concerned and really, she had no idea.

"Fine," he smiled, "Shall we?" he offered his arm, mostly because it seemed too personal to hold her hand.

"We shall," she tucked her hand into his arm and they walked toward a family pizzeria near the campus.

He could have driven her somewhere special, but it had been her call. She wanted somwhere they could get to know each other and not worry about the actual food or lighting. It seemed like something Haley would want and made his heart both squeeze and pound as he heard it.

"So tell me about yourself, Nathan," Ashley sent him a smile when they sat down. "All I really know is you hate English and you play Basketball."

"Well, those are two of my best traits," he shrugged. "What are yours?"

"You'll have to judge that for yourself," she suggested and Nathan honestly couldn't help that his eyes dropped straight to her rack.

"_Personality_ traits," she glared at him playfully.

"Oh those, sure. I've heard of them."

The waiter saved him from whatever comment she would've chosen and he tried to think of a way to distract her from actually talking about himmself. Most girls were as easy as firing questions right back at them, but Ashley actually seemed to want to get to know him... So it was much trickier.

"Let's play twenty questions," Ashley suggested when the waiter took off. "Only without the guessing, just ask each other questions."

"Isn't that just a conversation?"

"Is that your first question?"

"Does that make the game end sooner?"

"C'mon, Nathan, you suck."

"I have to be sweet talked a little first."

"Eww!" she made a face and the wrinkle of her nose looked just like Haley's.

"What's your first question?" he gave in.

* * *

It wasn't nearly late enough when Nathan got back to his dorm room. He was used to staying up until 3:00 and all he could do was stare at the ceiling and fought the questions his tortured him with like 'What would Haley think?'

He was more than aware that his basic attraction to Ashley was the fact reminded him so strongly of his old girlfriend. _Wife _his head corrected him and their wedding danced through his mind, singeing his brain with sweetness of the memory.

Nathan dug through his underwear drawer for the rainy day vodka he hid there a couple days ago when his other one ran out. Of course, he should know by this time to never do that in front of Tim. Fucking klepto.

It was impossible to stop fidgeting and Nathan paced around the room, wishing he could just sleep, or even think about his date without seeing her face.

"Fuck it," he murmured and grabbed his room keys. Maybe on his way to beating Tim's face in, he could grab a beer at the party.

* * *

The music pumped and lights flashed like it was a special night, but nothing was different to Brooke anymore. Even dancing away from home for a bunch of college kids was same old at this point.

"Why didn't you go to college, Peyton?" one of the girls asked on the way over.

"Never into it," she'd shrugged, "I was always more into my art than school."

If they thought it was the wrong decision, they didn't mention it. There were only three of them for the evening for a special party at an NYU frat house, so they hired extra bouncers. Drunk college kids were a dangerous group, at least according to the media. But their tips were reportedly excellent.

She swung her hips like she did every day and sent her blonde hair flinging through the air.

The Club called her The Golden Goddess and she...Peyton Sawyer, lived up to it everywhere.

* * *

The second Nathan went through the door, there was a beer in his hand and the need to find Tim lessened considerably.

"Hey, Nathan," a girl siddled up to him and he really wished he could remember if he'd hooked up with her on a previous occasion, "You here for the entertainment?" she gestured to the stage where a flash of blonde hair and a lot of skin caught his attention. He couldn't see the girl's face, but her hair reminded him of Peyton and his eyes darted away quickly.

"I'm here for this," Nathan chugged his beer and looked around the room for a re-fill, leaving his admirer behind.

He didn't need a girl. As of tonight, he was sort of already seeing one. What he needed was to forget about the other girls. The ghosts that followed him everywhere.

"Nate!" Tim found him, cuddling him into a bear hug that made him cringe. Not that his friend noticed - it was hard to pick up on subtleties when one is drunk off their ass. Lucky bastard.

"Get me another drink," Nathan pushed Tim off him.

"Keg'soverthere," Tim pointed at the stage, then frowned, "No, that'sda chicks. Where's beer?" he looked at Nathan for help.

"I'll find it myself! See you at home!" he went toward the large groups and was handed a beer here and there but couldn't seem to find the actual source.

"Eric, how long are we staying?" he heard a voice behind him and turned very slowly to find the blonde stripper from earlier bugging her bouncer at the edge of the stage.

But he didn't hear the man's response because his eyes were all over her. It had been months since he'd seen her and Nathan re-familiarized himself with the body he knew so well.

"Brooke," he barely choked her name and she couldn't have heard him, but her eyes lifted anyway.

"Nathan," she smiled and flew into his arms.

"God, I missed you," he murmured, relieved just to see her again, let alone feel her in his arms again. Fuck, she was _alive _and he couldn't feel enough of her body at once.

He was oblivious to the guys cheering around him as Brooke wrapped her legs around his waist and she pulled his head down into a kiss.

His need for alcohol was forgotten as he drowned in her taste.

Vaguely, he was aware of someone pulling her away from him and he fought back, holding her tight to his body.

"Let go of her!" a man's voice pierced his awareness and he loosened his grip as he realized it was the bouncer he noticed before.

"Eric, it's okay," Brooke was breathing heavily and reaching out for Nathan, "I know him."

"Clearly," Eric rolled his eyes, "But you're still on the clock."

"Oh please," she hissed, "the other girls will get more tips, they'll love it. I'll see you tomorrow," she took Nathan's hand and started pulling him from the room.

Nathan's mind was spinning and he wanted to stop, to ask how she got to this place, why the fuck she dyed her hair and maybe why she hadn't told him about any of it...but the idea of having her again so soon overwhelmed everything else and he just wanted to get her out of the room and slam her into the nearest wall.

No one could fuck like Brooke Davis and he was seconds away from that promise.

"Don't even think about it, Peyton," Eric was following after them, "How well do you even know this guy?"

_Peyton_?

Nathan stopped walking and stared at the girl next to him. She really did look like Peyton and his spine prickled.

"Nathan is my ex-boyfriend, Eric. God. He would never hurt me, would you, baby?" Brooke turned back to Nathan expectantly and his stomach turned.

He'd never been Brooke's boyfriend.

To Be Continued...


	9. Chapter 9

Ashes, Chapter Nine

by scarlet (superscar)

A/N: I'm not a psychologist, my goal is to make things plausible, whether or not they are possible is not my area of expertise.

_NYU Keg Party, Fall 2005_

Blood roared inside Nathan's head as Brooke squeezed his hand, giving him the biggest smile he'd seen since before it began, more than a year ago.

"Nate, are you okay?" she frowned and turned to the bouncer that kept trying to get her to stay at the party, "Eric, can you just leave it alone this time, please? I really want to catch up with Nathan. Pleeeeease."

Peyton wasn't a begger, Nathan remembered that very clearly about her. So why would someone acting so obviously like Brooke Davis try to pretend she was Peyton Sawyer?

"Want to head back to my room?" he tugged her hand. He had to ask her, but not here, not with everyone crawling all over them.

"Baby, I thought you'd never ask."

He'd forgotten when he invited her that she might be adverse to his plan: talk, clear up the weirdness, and _then _screw until morning. Brooke had always been more of a fuck first, questions later sort of girl.

They barely made it out the door before she attacked his lips once again, muttering between kisses how much she wanted him, had missed him. And in her insanity of passion, he tasted peace. Her body felt like home and Nathan couldn't resist sinking into her warmth.

It wasn't until he said her name that she froze and pulled away from him. "What did you just say?"

"Brooke," he repeated, pulling her back into his arms, "C'mere."

"No!" she pushed him away, "What the fuck, Nate! You're not even pretending to know who I am. God! You'd think after we dated a year, just because I'm not your precious _Haley._"

"Shut the fuck up about her!" Nathan pushed her up against the wall.

"This is so typical! Is this why you broke up? Couldn't remember her name?"

Nathan frowned. "Brooke...what are you talking about?"

"PEYTON!" she practically screeched, "My fucking name is Peyton, you asshole!"

People were starting to look at them in the courtyard and someone was going to call security if he didn't get her to shut the fuck up.

"Peyton," he used the name she wanted, "Let's go up to my room, okay baby?"

"I don't think so," she shook her head, pulling away from him.

"Just to talk, I promise. We should catch up. Please?"

"Fine," she grumbled, "But keep your Brooke-loving hands out of my sight."

XXX

Nathan was being too weird and it annoyed the shit out of her. God, was it really that much of a challenge for him to murmur his sweet nothings with _her _name and not _Brooke's?_

Her estranged best friend was really the last girl she wanted to hear about in the throes of passion. Honestly.

And since when did Nathan want anything to do with Brooke? He'd been Haley's bitch since she collared him.

"Peyton?" he asked hesitantly, like she would snap on him at any moment. It was his own fucking fault. Men were such morons.

"Yeah?"

"The thing you said about Haley and I...breaking up?"

"Nathan, it's not your fault, I was just mad you said her name. You guys just weren't meant to be. I mean, what can you really expect, getting married at sixteen? But you're both in a better place now."

"Why does everyone say shit like that?" he practically growled at her, "You think I'm in a better place?"

"Well, it _is_ New York."

"You think I wouldn't trade Central Park and random attacks of body odor to have Haley back with me?"

Brooke sighed, "Honestly, Nathan, you talk like she's dead."

XXX

She was crazy. 100.

"Oh, Brooke," he sighed, "What's going on with you?"

Her eyes snapped angrily and he corrected quickly, "I just meant, oh, and Brooke? What's going on with _her_?"

"Last I heard, her parents shipped her to some rehab place. We don't really talk anymore."

Nathan was in over his head, but he couldn't help asking...

"And Haley?"

"Oh, she's doing great at Stanford!" Brooke was practically dancing with excitement over it, "She's really getting out there and meeting people. I'm so proud. Don't worry, though, she hasn't moved on yet if that's what you're worried about."

It was tempting to join her fantasy, that Haley wasn't dead, she was in California. That instead of him moving past her death, it was just a temporary break up. But unlike Brooke, his mind couldn't accept the lie. It was too much and his heart ached with it.

"She's dead," he told her softly, trying to bring reality back to both of them.

"What?" Brooke gasped, "No, she's not, I talked to her yesterday."

He was almost jealous of her certainty, the way she could create her own reality and he wanted to drag her back down with him. "No, you didn't! You were there! You were in the car when she died, Brooke, you called me!"

She just shook her head and plugged her ears, like a child who didn't want to hear she couldn't have a snack before dinner.

Nathan pulled her hands from her ears, "Why are you doing this? Why didn't you come to me?"

"Leave me alone!" she fought him off her.

"Calm down!"

"No!" Brooke shook her head, tears pouring down her cheeks, "You're crazy, Nathan, what's wrong with you?"

_He_ was crazy? "_I'm_ crazy?!? You're totally losing it."

She was backing away from him, ready to bolt.

"No, I didn't mean that, Br, um, Peyton. I don't know what's wrong with me. Just...come upstairs, okay?"

"I just want to go home, Nate. Just let me go? Please?"

He couldn't. He'd never find her again if she left and he needed her. She was his best friend, the only person that really understood and he just wanted to force it out of her. But their connection had disappeared into the recesses of her mind and the only truth she didn't deny was physical.

"It's okay, baby," he wouldn't say her name, for fear of putting her off, but he refused to call her Peyton again. It might just reinforce the stupid fantasy she lived in. "I just want you so bad, it's been so long," he took her hand and pulled her against him, kissing up and down her neck, a move that the actual Peyton Sawyer had found ticklish, but always made Brooke Davis melt.

And though her mind was confused about her identity, her body wasn't and she clung to him as he re-ignited their passion, using all the tricks he knew from their time together.

"Let's go," she whispered in his ear.

XXX

Brooke didn't stop to think about _why_ she was so willing to jump Nathan, when Lucas was the one she loved. The passion between them was consuming and she didn't have time to think, the feelings were overwhelming.

Images rained through her mind of their time together. Heated encounters that only made her hold on tighter to the feelings he brought so expertly to her body. He remembered what she liked and used those familiar movements against her until she didn't remember her name. The one he kept whispering in her ear sounded so right that she didn't think to question it.

When they finally hit the bed, she was far past ready and the completion in their joining was the sweetest relief and torture. As she locked him to her body with her legs and sank into the familiarity of rhythm.

XXX

He'd meant to stop when they reached his room, but he couldn't. Their need for each other was bigger than his plans to find out what was wrong with her and the way she moaned when he said her name sealed the inevitable between them.

It wasn't their first time together, but it had been so long that their instinctive knowledge felt like magic. Distant familiarity and surging need culminated in what was perhaps the most intense sexual experience of his life. The thought that it was wrong, that she wasn't herself only made the pressure of release more desperate. He'd missed her, needed her on a level he'd barely thought about until he was inside her body.

"Brooke," he panted her name, begging her to come with him as he spiraled higher.

"Yes," she murmured, but her eyes were closed, she wasn't really listening or thinking.

"Brooke!" he dug his fingers into her shoulders to get her attention. Her eyes flew open and she held his gaze. For that second, she was there with him until her eyes rolled back and she started shaking, closing in around him until he fell apart.

XXX

As Nathan cuddled her against his chest, Brooke stroked his stomach sleepily as everything he'd whispered and yelled came back to her.

"Missed you, Brooke," he kissed her forehead as he faded into slumber.

It wasn't right and she wanted to argue, but she was too tired and he felt so nice against her.

Later, she decided. She would yell at him when she woke up.

One last yawn enveloped her and she quickly lost consciousness.

XXX

It was tempting to keep laying there as she slept. It had been a long time since he'd felt so comfortable, like sex with Brooke, a woman he hadn't seen in almost a year, was a regular occurrence.

Unfortunately, this wasn't about his body's need to relax after the work out or his desire to re-bond with Brooke after all their time apart.

She wasn't okay and Nathan couldn't ignore that. But who could he tell? Her parents were off the list, they'd throw her into a mental hospital and he'd never see her again. Lucas was out. The second "Peyton" was near him, they'd be in bed together and Nathan had already dealt with plenty of that sort of drama.

He grabbed the cordless and dialed as he left the room. The last thing he needed was for Brooke to wake up in the middle of his call.

"Hello?" a woman answered as Nathan's door clicked shut.

"Mrs. James?" he asked. "It's Nathan. Sorry I'm calling so late."

"Nathan! Is something wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, it's not really me I'm calling about. Umm... you're a nurse, right?"

XXX

"Cold," Brooke murmured, feeling around for covers to snuggle into when someone else helped her out and tucked them in around her. "Eric?" she muttered, squinting to see who was with her.

"Nathan," his voice reminded her.

"Mmmm," she smiled as she opened her eyes to find him in the chair by the bed. "Hey, get back here."

"I'm not sure that's a great idea," Nathan tossed a cordless phone back and forth between his hands and the nervous tick struck her as strange. Why would he be nervous after what she'd considered to be perfectly great night of sex?

"All right, we can do it in the chair," she shrugged, throwing the sheets back.

"That's not what I meant, Brooke...shit, here we go."

_Brooke_. Again.

"Peyton," she corrected softly, crawling into his lap, "You sure about the chair thing?"

He wasn't sure, his physical reaction was more than obvious and all she wanted to do was encourage it. To leave whatever fight they were headed toward behind them.

"I'm sure...we have to talk."

She crawled into his lap and his eyes closed. "Doesn't feel that way to me," she ground herself into him.

Nathan sprang to his feet, lifting her off him. "Come with me."

"I was just _trying _to, baby."

"No, drive with me. Road trip."

Brooke's eyes narrowed, "Where?"

"Anywhere, let's just go."

His sudden desire to go on vacation made her suspicious, "What about school? Basketball?"

"Wouldn't be the first time I missed class and I'm riding the bench this year anyway."

"Nathan Scott? Not a starter?"

"Apparently, I have an attitude problem," he shrugged.

Imagine that, Brooke thought, amused. "_You?_ Shocking."

"Shut up, smart ass, let's just go."

"Fine, but we can't leave til tomorrow," she dove back into the covers, "So care to join me?"

XXX

Nathan didn't get much sleep. It was wrong, having sex with Brooke when she was clearly out of her mind, but he rationalized it. Brooke would have wanted him either way, he told himself. And he _definitely_ wanted her.

It was ages since he'd had sex, never mind the marathon Brooke hit him with.

Exhaustion hit him around sunrise and he slipped away.

He didn't hear her leave.

To Be Continued...


End file.
